Deadspin | We present to you February 2024's Idiots of the Month (2024)

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift embrace after the Kansas City Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers in OT during Super Bowl LVIII at Allegiant Stadium on Feb. 11, 2024, in Las Vegas. source: Getty Images

Welcome to the first edition of Idiots of the Month for 2024 (we may have been overwhelmed with idiocy in January, and declined to choose five from the nominees — or we may have been distracted by the Super Bowl). Luckily for us, February brought us a fresh, new crop of idiots, and one idiot who is quickly approaching joining Trevor Bauer in our Idiot Emeritus section.

Away we go:

credits: X (fka Twitter)

The guy with the p*rnstar gimmick is now an anti-trans bigot hiding behind his faith.

In response, someone purchased the domain to valvenis.com, which now forwards to the website of the National Center for Transgender Equality.

source: Getty Images

The Phoenix Coyotes cut the forward after he posted a since-deleted video to Instagram that showed him posing with a vial of white powder and appearing to ready himself to use a credit card to consume the powder.

source: Getty Images

There is nowhere on American soil safe from gun violence.

The Kansas City Chiefs’ Super Bowl parade ended tragically. A disagreement in a nearby parking garage ended with one dead and 21 injured. Two people’s selfish, infuriating decision to let a confrontation get violent led to a mother of two’s death and put several wide-eyed kids ready to celebrate the makings of a dynasty into intensive care.

The two men charged – Lyndell Mays and Dominic Miller – both tried to talk their way out of one of the most public mass shootings in recent memory. According to court documents, both men denied shooting anyone at the parade. Once police told them there were security cameras in the garage, they immediately crumbled. Mays even had the audacity to say he hesitated shooting “because he knew there were kids there.”

The most infuriating part of this whole ordeal is how nonchalant the whole shooting seems to be.

“When asked why Lyndell Mays advanced on them to begin with, he replied, ‘Stupid, man,’” cops wrote in the documents obtained by TMZ. “‘Just pulled a gun out and started shooting. I shouldn’t have done that. Just being stupid.’”

“Stupid” shouldn’t begin to describe these actions. Killing a woman and putting 21 people in the hospital should not get the same “shouldn’t have done that” admission that a middle schooler gets for drawing on a bathroom stall. “Just being stupid” shouldn’t result in hosts of Americans not feeling safe enough to celebrate a championship in public.

These men are idiots to their core. For bringing guns to the parade, for escalating a confrontation into a shooting, and for playing it all off like it’s nothing. These shootings happen routinely in America – this one was the 58th mass shooting of 2024. Kansas City is no stranger to the horrors of mass gun violence, as this marked the area’s 25th of the last five years. Even with so many places made to feel unsafe in the wake of gun violence, sports are often the escapist panacea many need to find joy.

Diving into sports in the wake of tragedy is as American as it gets. Just look at the New Orleans Saints in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, or David Ortiz’s rallying speech after the Boston Marathon bombing. We epitomized the entirety of the Cold War with one Olympic hockey game. A nation still reeling in the months after 9/11 came together to watch George Bush put one over the plate at the World Series. Instead of sports being that escape, two morons have now forever tainted championship parades for thousands of Americans.

That Thursday should have been a day to celebrate. It was a moment to enshrine the Chiefs as a true dynasty, elevating Travis Kelce and Chris Jones to true Hall of Fame status and chiseling Patrick Mahomes onto the quarterback Mount Rushmore. That day should have sparked conversations of three-peats or G.O.A.T. talk rumblings for Mahomes.

Instead, we mourned and asked in futility how this could keep happening.

Even worse, Mays’ family set up a GoFundMe account to help him get through this “tragic time.”

According to the New York Post:

The fundraiser had reportedly raised $100 for Mays’ medical bills before he was charged Tuesday with second-degree murder, two counts of armed criminal action and unlawful use of a weapon.

source: Getty Images

There is a level of unseriousness about Kadarius Toney that can’t be fully explained through the angle of an off-guard photo that portrays him like a maniac. Just peruse his career numbers. In three seasons, the 2021 first-round pick has tallied fewer than 800 yards. This is someone who should be humbling himself and learning. Instead, he keeps opening his mouth and fumbling out the wrong words. Before the AFC Championship Game, Toney was ruled out as a scratch for the AFC Championship Game due to a hip injury and the birth of his child. That should have been the end of the story. Rather than enjoying the ride (and his newborn), Toney went on an NSFW rant that appeared to accuse the Chiefs of lying about the reasons behind his inactive status.

“I don’t give a f***!’’ Toney said on social media before the Chiefs beat the Ravens to advance to the Super Bowl. “All these p*#*y n**!**s ... B**ch a** n**!**as Y’all readin’ all this half-a** s**t. ... I don’t f**k with y’all ... I’m not hurt, none of that. Hip, knee, nuh-uh.’’

It was an incredible self-own, considering that the only other given reason for his benching would be his poor play. The Chiefs were under no obligation to play him. Andy Reid was kind enough to allow Toney to save face before heading into free agency this summer and he opted to Plaxico Burress himself in the foot instead.

Toney later expressed regret for his impulsive IG Live, and concocted a story that claimed his hostility was actually directed towards his former team, the Giants. ‘Hip, knee nuh-uh’ sounds like a pretty pointed reference to his current situation, rather than some callback to his NFL genesis in New York, but Toney claims he was distracted by the comments and that the context was lost.

Even taken at face value, Toney deserves rebuke for going onto social media in the first place with such a nonsensical message. Nothing good happens when athletes hop on IG Live, especially when they’re there to address negativity. It’s painfully clear that he’s not the clearest communicator as evidenced by the situation he stumbled into and the fact that he waited over a week to clear up the intentions behind his vague rant.

In doing so, he did more harm than good by potentially alienating himself from a Chiefs team he was under contract for 2024 with for an amount that can be easily waived. Hopefully the IG clout was worth it because Kadarius Toney dropping the bag feels familiar.

source: Getty Images

It costs you nothing to say nothing. In fact, sometimes, shutting up can also save you money — or from us finding out you have no idea what you’re talking about, again.

Kenny Smith didn’t get the memo.

“She should have shot from the 3-point line that the women shoot from,” is what he said during the Sabrina Ionescu/Steph Curry shootout at NBA All-Star Weekend — that earned him a place on this list.

The final score was 29-26, as they both shot from the NBA 3-point line. She went first and put the heat on Steph. He won, but she made him earn it.

The NBA used to have the best All-Star Weekend of all the professional leagues, and then it fell off a cliff. What Ionescu and Curry did was the lone bright spot, as people seem to want this to be an annual event, with expansion. But, due to Smith being unable to shut up and enjoy the moment, too much of the focus has been on him.

Only an idiot couldn’t see that this wasn’t the moment to voice your opinion on what a woman should or shouldn’t be doing.

But, what do you expect? Look who Smith sits next to at work. On his left is a man who is “ dying to vote” for Nikki Haley — Charles Barkley. And to his right is a cop who thinks it’s a mistake for men to open up to women emotionally — Shaquille O’Neal. Cut all of their mics off.

source: Getty Images

It’s going to take a lot more Wrangler and Copperfit ads for Brett Favre to pay for the money he helped misdirect from the state of Mississippi for a new volleyball stadium for Southern Miss/his daughter. On one hand, Brett is just trying to be a #GirlDad, but on the other, he boondoggled $1.1 million in funds from the State of Mississippi for a sports complex at his alma mater, and allegedly still owes $730,000, despite netting $140 million during his NFL career.

On top of that, Favre has been employing his lawyers as freely as dick pics anytime someone utters an accurate truth about ’90s Joe Namath (not a compliment). It’s at this point of the slide when Favre’s actions, or just the gunslinger himself, are deemed idiotic, but that seems like it could provoke his litigious side.

source: Getty Images

It is far more likely that Donald Trump is a plant than Taylor Swift.

Fox News’ Jesse Watters is pushing a conspiracy theory believed by 1 in 3 Republicans. Swift being a main character in the 2023 NFL season is allegedly part of a covert government plan to ensure that Joe Biden wins the 2024 Presidential election. So Biden wins a second term and the Democrats get what, four more years of moderate policies from a constantly squinting octogenarian.

The Republican party got a way sweeter deal with Trump. With him in office, they got three Supreme Court Justices, Roe v Wade repealed, and the most tax cuts and pro-business policies put in place since the guy Washington National Airport is named after was president. Republicans smoothing Trump onto the American people with his divorces, giant hotels, his catchphrase on The Apprentice, television and movie cameos, and rap music references for 40 years is far more believable than the Democrats shoehorning Swift into an NFL season for votes.

Through decades, Trump’s name is to wealth what Coca-Cola is to soda even though the man is nowhere near the wealthiest person on earth. Decades of bankruptcies, lost lawsuits, and fraud committed in plain sight, and he is still a viable presidential candidate.

But Taylor Swift is being used to manipulate voters…